へんじゃぱサンデー

イタリアの有力紙が、日本スケート連盟が浅田真央が五輪に出場できない年齢問題に対し、出場資格の規則変更を国際スケート連盟に対して強く求めない背景には、スポンサーとの関係があると伝えている。 ２月にトリノ冬季五輪を開催するイタリアで最多の発行部数を誇る全国紙コリエレ・デラ・セラが、４日付で年齢制限のため同五輪への出場資格がないフィギュアスケート女子の浅田真央（グランプリ東海ク）の特集記事を掲載した。 ...続きを見る

◆メダル確実なのに…まるでハラキリとマオ特集の伊紙（1/5 ZAKZAK） ...続きを見る

当ブログでは全く触れなかった話題について。 ...続きを見る

ＴＢありがとうございました！
うーん、手厳しいですね･･･。メダルは安藤選手じゃなくても、難しいかも･･･。
また、いらしてください。

コメントありがとうございます。
まあ、それぐらいの覚悟でやって欲しいということですな。点数や評価をつけにくいスポーツなだけに国民に不信感を与えぬようスケート連盟の方もしっかりやって欲しいですな。

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Hi there, what's up you guys???

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

Barabﾃ｡si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ﾂ?whether it is correct or not.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

If a man does his best, what else is there?

If a man does his best, what else is there?

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

A hen is only an eggﾂ痴 way of making another egg.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

In this war ﾂ?as in others ﾂ?I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

In this war ﾂ?as in others ﾂ?I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Mit der Dummheit kﾃ､mpfen Gﾃｶtter selbst vergebens

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ﾂ?and better tools.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIﾂ?

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ﾂ?and better tools.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsﾂ?

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ?and better tools.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsﾂ?

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

Mit der Dummheit kﾃ､mpfen Gﾃｶtter selbst vergebens

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.